A Rebellious Servant

There's always been a struggle going on inside of me; a struggle between what is right and what is not. A struggle always defying my will, stirring the inside of me with chaos and unrest, leaving me stranded.
A war that has always torn the inside world of mine apart and I couldn't do anything but watch the flames eat away my homes and smoke engulfing me. I was lost in that smoke, I was burned to death in those flames. But I opened my eyes and I saw I was still in those flames burning in agony while death never came to rescue.
I prayed, I cried, I begged for all this to over but all in vain. For at times I felt like defying HIM and HIS will for what's my will was surely HIS's and at times I did defy HIM, HIS words, HIS commands. I rebelled against HIM for a reason. HE wished me defy HIM, HE wanted me to rebel against HIM. But that rebellion was the cause of war inside, the mutiny against HIM fueled the flames of agony and despair. If that's what HE wants then I am all at HIS service, a rebellious servant to my LORD and I shall endure the pain, so is the universal tradition of all GOD-ly affairs.