Fantasy

A piece of heart, a song of sentiments, a cherish divine, that’s what fantasy is..

Me? I didn’t know it until today..

Words soothing like a balm struck my ears, entered my soul, tended to my wounds..

Life can bring a moment this sweet, I never knew..

My imaginations have always run wild, my words have always casted magic but a day might come when I’ll be mesmerized, I never knew..

Being someone’s possession can seem so right, being under that person can seem so right, hearing him scold me as if I mattered can elicit such delight.. I never knew

Falling in love with the person least expected could feel so right.. I never knew

A mere vision can become my dream, my dream can become my craving, my craving can become my bittersweet obsession, my obsession can finally become MY possession..

I..

Never..

Knew..

I opened my eyes as I felt the breeze strike my hair.. when and how did I reach that place and where was I were among the millions of questions that started buzzing through my head.. but I wasn’t at fault here for what my eyes saw was just too mesmerizing to remain sane anymore..

Always heard about topaz and its beauty but what it actually looked like I didn’t know, until that day when I finally saw it in the most unusual form ever,

As flowers..

How the willow put up a great show with its leaf dance I had always heard in stories from my granny , watchd in movies but what the dance actually looked like when live, I didn’t know until that day…

.. words cannot describe that beauty..

How the hummingbirds chirp.. how they flap their beautiful wings while marching with the waves in air , how innocent yet dynamic they look when they swing around in the motions of the wind I didn’t know until that one fated day..

Epic..

The fine chillness, the ethereal fragrance, the gentle breeze and all was but the beginning of the charade of surprises that had begun.. I felt my hair swing, my hands lifted to feel them..

Soft as silk..

Mine had always been on the borderline line between fine and coarse.. Never had my hair slipped so smoothly between my fingers before..

Surprise!

My eyes widened further when I estimated their length.. About just a moment ago I had them finely set till my shoulders but now they were longer, at least twice the previous length..

Odd!

What’s happening? I thought while cupping my face when I felt my skin soft as the dove’s fine feathers and  hands smooth as a toddler’s…was I so before?

Never!

In utmost daze I looked down at myself when I noticed one further development, my uniform was gone.. 

What I donned was no longer there and had been replaced by a shining peach colored gown.. 

Shock!

The wind blew and my hair danced while teasing my face.. I slid them aside and looked up in awe at the giant willow tree which I had longed to see throughout my life.. The leaves waved at me as if displaying a welcome.. I was lost in that splendor..

“I told you life is like a fairytale.. At some point you will realize it.. But if you stop believing in its eternity once you cease the moment, u will never even have a chance of having an encounter with it’s enchantment, and that’s, where you get hopeless.. I said that didn’t I?”

A voice echoed from behind me..

Jumping out of my bemusement I turned around..

The air gushed, the falling leaves danced around him, the birds sung a melody never heard before.

A person least expected had come out of nowhere and stood there in front of me. The lean tall profile with black lustrous hair slowly waltzing along the breeze, eyes big wide and deep blue as a calm ocean. A masculine tan face with a gentle smile put on. A forehead band made of gold tied at one end of the head restraining his beautiful hair from flying about freely with air.

Dressed in white so suited to his purity and a match of blue cape defining his magnanimity.

How could he be standing right in front of me now? And here of all the places?

Wait! What exactly is here?

Where am I?

How did I reach here?

Wasn’t I standing in front of my college a while ago ready to cross over?

Alarm struck!!!!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Wail

When words get locked inside and demons are locked deep down the underworld with no way out of their misery, they bang the doors and smash the walls inside but all go in vain. 
Behind every smashed wall there is a wall till eternity. They cry in pain, sob in agony but the walls and doors won't let it all out for sure. They go unheard and unanswered. And then finally they give up and wait, they hear the world outside singing, dancing and playing. Happiness coming and smashing with those lofty wall and go away.
And when the fire of the underworld boil that dungeon they all choke and bite the dust, they die and rot, spreading the plague across the underworld and beyond. Sucking away all the life and turning everything stone cold with no soul. 
They're finally free...

A lost day on a lost battle ground

Some days are good, others are real bad.

Times when the inside is filled and you can't even cry the hell out. Times when you're shown the light in dark when you can't even see and all of a sudden that light is gone. Times when you are too busy fighting yourself and your problems all alone and don't even have anyone by your side 'cause you don't want anyone and you simply can't afford having anyone on your side just because you forgot to trust and right at that moment new problems step in to add the trouble.
Time like these are shitty times, totally screwed up.
The problems I have, are the problems I created. They are the demons I have awakened from my underworld. They revamp my heavens and storm my gardens, they are ferocious and ruthless, they are strong and powerful. I fight a lost battle with them and every time I try to land a punch on their face I miss and they retaliate harder than ever. I don't know what to do with them, they won't just go away and leave me alone. They'll be there and haunt me and like an abused child I will keep it to myself. I'm way too scared to tell the world and lend a helping hand for myself, like an ego-ist I will keep it to myself and fight it myself though I know I won't be able to beat them but what choice do I have. That's what I am, I can run, I can hide but my ego won't allow me to do that so I won't run, I won't hide, not even for good of my own will I let go of my doomed world rather I'll stay and fight and that's what I'd pay for, perhaps for eternity.

A Rebellious Servant

There's always been a struggle going on inside of me; a struggle between what is right and what is not. A struggle always defying my will, stirring the inside of me with chaos and unrest, leaving me stranded.
A war that has always torn the inside world of mine apart and I couldn't do anything but watch the flames eat away my homes and smoke engulfing me. I was lost in that smoke, I was burned to death in those flames. But I opened my eyes and I saw I was still in those flames burning in agony while death never came to rescue.
I prayed, I cried, I begged for all this to over but all in vain. For at times I felt like defying HIM and HIS will for what's my will was surely HIS's and at times I did defy HIM, HIS words, HIS commands. I rebelled against HIM for a reason. HE wished me defy HIM, HE wanted me to rebel against HIM. But that rebellion was the cause of war inside, the mutiny against HIM fueled the flames of agony and despair. If that's what HE wants then I am all at HIS service, a rebellious servant to my LORD and I shall endure the pain, so is the universal tradition of all GOD-ly affairs.  

We got company

I woke up and saw a lot of hype on electronic and print media about the blasphemous act carried out at a morning show of a renowned TV channel of the country. My facebook’s and twitter’s news feed flooded with hostile content against them and demanded shutting down the channel.

Calm down people, there is a lot more going on across the border that we need to care about. Power of our neighboring country and one of the world’s largest democracy is en route 11 Ashoka Road, New Delhi 110001. That right BJP is back in power, after ousting the Gandhi dynasty in a humiliating defeat for the first time in 128 years and former Gujraat CM (Feb 2002, rings any bell?) is all set to become 14^th Prime Minister of India.

The infamous Hindutva, Hindu Nationalism, movement is in power again and we have heard every now and then that BJP won’t be that ‘tolerant’ to Pakistan as its predecessor had been. Nehru’s secular India is now in the hands of the likes of L.K Advani and A.B Vajpayee, with the prime aim of cleansing Mother India of ‘impurity’ and cleanse its soil. This may take the cold war going on between India and Pakistan to a new level.

It was the morning of February 27^th 2002, Sabarmati Express pulled into the train station of Godhra, a small town in the Western Indian state of Gujarat, ruled by a Hindu nationalist government since 1995. The train was going back from Ayodhya taking the cadres of Hindu right where they had been to demonstrate their demands of bringing down the Baburi mosque and build the temple dedicate to Hindu deity Ram. The train was burned resulting in death of 58 passengers including many women and children.

Retaliation soon followed, street of Gujarat and Ahmedabad bathed in blood as enraged Hindu activists took on streets, torched Muslim properties, killed Muslim men, women and children. Women were raped and children were butchered, while the then Gujarati government played a role of spectator. Instead of punishing the perpetrators of the train incident, something a civilized government would have done, the state government allowed revenge killings. Apart from massive killings, reports say that about 100,000 Muslims were displaced to state’s ramshackle refugee camps where basic amenities were minimal and living conditions abysmal.

Dionne Bunsha, an award-winning journalist from Mumbai, while writing on the Gulbarg Society massacre and murder of a resident named Ehsan Jafri, has said that Jafri begged the crowd to spare the women, he was dragged into street and forced to parade naked yet he refused to say ‘Jai Shri Ram’. He was then beheaded and thrown onto a fire, following this the rioters returned and burned Jafri’s family including two small boys to death. It is estimated that at least 250 girls and women had been gang raped and then burned to death, according to Kalpana Kannabiran the rapes were part of well-organized deliberate and pre-planned strategy and that puts the violence in the area of a political pogrom and genocide. According to Vandana Shiva “young boys have been taught to burn, rape and kill in the name of Hindutva.”

Narendra Modi was the then CM of Gujarat, and now he is all set to become next PM of India. The Muslims of India seems to have forgotten of the past and they seem to have trusted BJP over INC since most of the Muslim clerics have exercised their trust. According to a report in Economic Times the Muslims too have voted for the BJP in large numbers especially in the main political battleground of Uttar Pradesh. Maulana Mehmood Madni, the powerful head of Deoband sect, Maulana Tauqeer Raza of the Bareillvy sect and Maulana Kalbe Jawad, the most influential Shia cleric of UP seemed disappointed from the Congress side, according to them Congress leaders have disappointed their Muslim supporters and they exhorted Prime Minister-elect Modi to fulfill the promises he has made to the community and the country.

But as is the nature of typical Sub-continent politicians, promises are forgotten as soon as power rest in their hands. BJP has been a Hindu nationalist party, ideologies of both BJP’s and those of Shiv Sena’s (Shiv’s Army) are identical. Shiv Sena never accepted Pakistan, the sheer Muslim presence on Sub-continent soil is totally unacceptable to them let alone a Muslim state. All though Modi have said it that minorities are to be treated with justice but a recent Tweet by Mr. Modi speaks Bal Thackeray’s language with the same old ideology of ‘cleansing’.

I now fear the fate of my Muslim brothers and sisters across the border, diplomatic ties with India may take a dip and peace talks may get turbulent. This is all we’ve got for now, our govt should deal well with the stern language of Modi, Mr. Chaudry Shujaat’s statement was quite a brave one when he said ‘ties with Modi depends on his attitude’ too bad he is way too impotent to say that. I wish our PM to say the same thing. For if we kept on staying low then GOD knows what would happen, the beating of a Pakistan student in an Indian university is just the beginning. 

Living Dead

In the dark and sickening night, that was once warm and full of life, turned dead and stone cold. Moon hid behind the clouds and my demons descended upon my happy little world, my evil spirits haunted me. I tried to fight them, I tried to overrun them but they were way too powerful to be tamed. I couldn't stand a chance and I had to give in. All my sins, all my misdeeds, all those things I've done with the consent of my devils come to tie me in shackles, burn my wings and throw me away to the dungeons deep down this underworld.
I look up, but it makes no sense at all, for darkness has nothing to show you but itself. Numb, blind and deaf you become while you endure a pain that suck the warmth and life out of you, leaves you a complete lifeless breathing creature, a liability to the world, a living dead..

I write just to..

I write to let the world inside me diffuse into the world outside. Dilute the pain, lessen the burden and ease out my mind that is constantly busy in building the world that is inside, making it more crowdy with narrow streets, jam packed roads sunk in total chaos.

I write to shine light on the world inside me that has been in dark for ages.

I write to keep some fire burning inside to wave-off the dead cold to keep that world alive and breathing.

I write, just to let you know that you're not alone here..

Deja vu

"It pains me, rather it agonises me when I see that nothing lasts forever, not even the pain. There comes a time when it ends right at the moment when you start loving it, when you start living it, it ends finally & you're free but then again the freedom never lasts forever ends right at the moment when you've just learnt to live it. You're en-chained and thrown away in pain with deranged soul & beaten heart and its all 'deja vu'...
Nothing, not even love and care lasts and all those words and promises are nothing but words mere spoken & promises mere sand castles, they wander somewhere in the winds of time but not lost. They always echo in our small worlds, powerful enough to shake our grounds & tear down our skies while we lie there expecting it to end soon but I do not want it to end, I want it to go on forever, I want it to pain me forever long 'cause I love pain. Gives me pleasure; a sadist I've become to myself.."

Knocking The Door To The Underworld

When you go away

Far in a land astray.

You find yourself in doom

For it is the dark that bloom.

You turn away from the light

And lose the sight.

In the chaos you jump

Pessimism into the heart is all you pump.

You love to see the world burn

A sadist you become and it’s all fun.

This happens when you walk away

Far in a land and go astray..

Jackdaw

I'm sorry

I know this won't help

I know this

Because I know

Because I feel

All you expected

All you taught

I gave away

And never gave it a thought

And now that I've realized

Its too late

Though I have apologised

I should have fought

Beside you

For you

If not for myself

But for you

Least I thought

Of standing with you

Left you and walked from you

But trust me I never realized

It was not purpose

'Cause I had no purpose

Trust me I had none.

Into the night

I walk into the night

On the stepping stones

Into the woods that are far out of sight

You know! The night is cold and terrifying

And so are the woods

So dead, so mystifying

All those creatures of the night

Come out when down goes the sunlight

They're lifeless and they bite

Bite me as I walk into the night

Barefooted, on the stepping stones

Into the dead, and cold

That kill the bones

I walk on

The silence of the woods

The wilderness of the night

Make me corpse with a soul

That neither rejoices nor mourns

To the world that is no longer my own

'Cause now I walk into the night

On the stepping stones

Into the woods

And get lost far out of sight..

Insanity

Its a desert, I search for an oasis but I find none. I see mirages which I see, I feel but doesn't exist, what is it? A rain forest, a night or a day.

Oh it pains me, pains me to death but I don't die. I am in pain, and I love this pain. I want to feel it but I can't feel and this is how I feel. I go out in the sun and curse it, I crawl under my bed and pull over the quilt. I try to converge my world under that quilt, I try to converge all that pain I feel. But I wake up to realise I am dreaming, just find that its a mirage.

I ask him 'do I look like a psycho?' He says 'no, not at all.' But you know what he is lying. I shout right on his face and my voice bounce back from the valley I am looking upon from the top of the cliff. Its a beautiful valley, the smog over the taverns and the fields at the country side and the cattle in the grassland are amazing. I jump off the cliff and fall right on my bed and I fall asleep. All I hear is my breath, my teeth crushing each other, all I hear is dead cold silence all I become is deaf. All I feel is cold, all I feel is pain, all I feel is nothing as I go numb.

I set fire, fuel it with my world that is without you, fuel it with my soul that carve for yours and myself that carved for you, just to make me feel warm, or I will die out in this cold. Death comes to all, strikes us at the right time, it will come to you too. You are no immortal, you're no exception. You'll suffer too, you'll be victimised too, you'll die too. Do you know why? Well I don't know too. Let's just go to sleep for now. Let's just get back to dreams for now, and die for the moment.

Devil Inside

It was once a little pet

I nurtured it

Little did I know

Little did I realise

It will rise

And I will bow

That little pet inside

Turned into a beast

And plague and blight

Hunted my soul

And left my heart to rot

I couldn't control it

I couldn't fight it

It was no tame

Only I was the one for the blame

Surrender was the only option

And I was on my knees

That devil inside

Set the fire alight

Fire of fury

Fire of envy

Burned the noble me

And snuffed away the humble once I was to thee

I hated myself

Hated this world

For they shut me down

While the beast drowned me down..

There were once You

Each day I pass by the place where I last left you, where I last saw you, had a glance at you, the place where I had my last words with you.

Each day I look at the gates, expecting you to come out and look into my eyes and smile at me and wave and I wave back. Each day I wonder how you've been all day without me, 'cause each day with out you for me is like a day that never existed. I never moved, my life, my time, my moments seized right the moment when you decided to seize to exist in my life. That's all you decided for us, you put your last words as verdict and condemned me.

You've no idea how it was for me to wake up to the brutal reality you left behind, how hard it was for me to stand up back on the floor you took away.

I won't blame you, I won't curse you, I won't avenge it. Trust me I'll wait, for as long as you're alive I have faith that one day you'll walk back to my life, give my world back to me, give me back my moments and help start ticking the clock that stopped when you left.

I have faith its gonna be all the same again, and trust me you'd love it..

The hypocrite me

Each day I ask..

Ask myself

Ask question I have answer

Yet I can't answer

Each day I search..

Search for my way

Search it on the map I have

Yet I can't find my way, and I'm lost

Each day I turn..

Turn the pages

To find that spark that once existed between us

Each day I mourn..

Mourn the distance I've grown

Mourn over the ways I've parted

Each day dive..

Dive deep down inside of me

Dive in to locate myself

Yet I can't, the deeper I go the shallow I get

And the more I realise 
The hypocrite inside.

The alley

As the shower poured down

He stood there

With his world upside down

A broken heart

Deranged soul

And feet soaked in dirt

Waited for the raincoat to cover

Waited for the sun to shine over

Gloom haunted him

And past demolished him

Sun never rose

And raincoat never came

The cloud denied him his sunshine

And the shadow denied him the light

The light to shine his way

Through the alley that was dark

And he stood there

Having no clue

Having no idea

He was senseless

And sensed only rain

That drowned him in pain..

A land far away

It was the ticking sound of the clock's second's hand and creaking sound of the rocking chair. But she paid heed to none, sitting in front of fire in her father's study all alone. She was staring blank at her late mother's painting at the wall. It’s been 3 years but seem like yesterday, she has passed away leaving behind these two girls only. Alice's mother was an intelligent lady, on her death bed she advised Alice to take care of Ann like a mother, although she was only 16 at that time but her mother knew their father won't be able to nurture them like a mother.

She forgot the promise she made with her mother and she was now feeling to punished. Alice was left deranged and demolished. She cried a lot, but now the tears have dried out. And in that dark room she was now picking up those shattered pieces of hers, she has been shredded before, and now again. This will be the last time, from now on she will not break, and she will not shed a tear. This is the last time she was sitting in a dark room, she was just re-newing that 3 years' old promise with a new promise with herself; the moment she walk out this room, she won't look back and she won't go back.. 

it does...

World

Red

It burns me when I see you fall

It kills me when you stall

A river of tears flow when I see you bathe in blood

When fire rains down from the sky

It burns me when I see you burn

When blood spills on roads that are dry

It cuts me through when I see bodies burn

Oh LORD, what have I done

The home I grew in

The garden I played in

Those flowerbeds I once watered

Are now they nothing more than

A house more like a ruin from past

A flowerbed home to thorns, alas!

A garden that once housed green grass

But now grass has turned red.

I cry like an orphan

They've taken everything

I saw them helplessly taking everything

I saw them burning my house

I saw them slaughtering my brothers and sisters like scapegoats

And painted my garden with their blood

I sit down

Helplessly I stare and ask

Why me??

Then I listen

Don't cry son

Its been my fate written.

When the young fall

When respect for women is nowhere at all

And the integrity of men stall

Universe witnesses

A nation's fall..

Pain

Humanized

Times when you're numb, yet you feel. Your tongue exhausts and can't speak of the pain you feel, and hands run out of the words to drain that it away. That feeling of being the only one in the whole universe, you have the whole universe at your service; the stars, the oceans, the continents... Technically, that's what being a human is all about, a ruler in own, a god in own, a ritual, a society, a whole universe in own, in simpler words these are perks of being a 'humanly human'. But who to be ruled? , who to impose the rituals on, socialise with? That's the point when we feel a complete emptiness in this whole universe. That's what happens when we attain a heaven's eye and open it just to realise the ultimate delusion.

Aura

There is this place I never knew. A place I've never been to, a place far away somewhere in the outskirts of this world I live in. I always dream about it, I always wonder how it'd be to be there. In my dream, I stand miles away from this land and watch it glow. Cattle graze in fields outside an old tavern, the morning sunrise, the mist and the smoke from the chimney mixes up to create an aura that rises an urge within me to fly there and get lost in that place.

There are these mountains beyond those green fields covered with woods. Mountains, whose peaks covered in white glitter like silver when sun shines upon them in mid day. In the midst of the field stands alone a tree, far from its folks on the mountains, a wild tree in the tame, defiant to the might of tamed, it stands tall and hold nests to birds that come home in twilight.

The aura, never vanishes, it remains in the air. Its more like standing on the top of a skyscraper and seeing a distant land in countryside, you just want to get there to get yourself free of all the hustle of the city. You know you can't run straight away, 'cause if you do you're going have a fall and get yourself departed. Likewise you don't want to go downstairs and drive to that place. 'Cause you're afraid of the site simply being a mirage, you go and it vanishes away. So its better sitting here getting lost in the aura.

Crescent

That unknown feeling, that unknown urge, gets higher everytime, take me low everytime.
Everytime I look out of window, at the full moon of 14th, it give me chills. I feel an unknown urge, I see an unknown face I've never seen, a feeling I never felt before. In that moon light I see my hands, my blood-stained hands. What did I do? Did I kill myself before it ever came into being?
And now the spirit is haunting me every now and then. Reminding me of the sins I've done, the misdeeds I did.
Everytime I see that face I feel like I am hit right on my face, punched so hard that the impact shattered my heart into pieces and it scattered on the floor the same way as those zillion stars are scattered on the black velvet gown covering our heads above us.
That regret kills me everytime I see your face, I don't know who you are, where did you come from, I can't understand your arrival, when it happened, I have no idea. Just go away please, I have had enough of this..