The Lost

      Sitting on a bench in a lawn under light blue sky, patches of grey clouds with sunlight piercing through and heavy at heart. I am mad at myself for letting myself down. I was never like this and I don’t know what has gone wrong with me. I was always like sun, no one dared to look directly at me, now it’s more like a moon, everyone can see the spot and now I have a dark side everyone can see. Lucky them, who can hide in their shadows, have space to run away. I have none, I am a shadow I've nowhere to hide, I have no space to run but darkness where I am bound to perish.

      Peace is all you want, but you don’t know where to get it from and how to acquire it. A total chaos inside, a restless soul, a conflicting mind is what you have, totally demolished, highly miserable is how you feel inside. And then…….. Regret, strikes right at the moment of max damage, regret of your past you wish you hadn't done what brought you this. You, your decisions and none else brought you this, the fault is all yours. Next follows agony, like this regret wasn't enough, the agonizing fact that you can’t blame anyone, it was you and then you realize how helpless you are that you can’t do anything with person responsible…. You draw battle lines between you and yourself, peace become alien to you, your heart and soul, every time you try to kill yourself but you don’t, you break the inside of you, completely demolish yourself inside out because you leave yourself no other choice. No victory, no defeat, no war trophies, only devastation, frustration, an endless destruction of such degree that it want to rip yourself apart and engulf everything around you just to wipe everything off. I know how hard it is to keep it to yourself.

      At the end, tired of all this, you wait for the light to come to your life and put an end to all this. You don’t have the courage and strength to find it out yourself. You sit and watch your world burn, and plunge in to dark. You can’t do anything but cry and curse yourself, your light is long gone; your world is long burnt to ashes.