Lover within.

            You away from me, I feel so disconnected from myself, so incomplete, like I’ve lost a part of myself or something precious.

            It was so easy for you to leave me and walk away, but I will follow you until the end. I just realize how much I want to hold your hand and dance with you in the rain, how much I want to hold your hand and walk with you for the rest of my life. But for a while it seem I’ve lost you or perhaps forever.

            Forever is what I am afraid of; I don’t care if it’s for a while, for I will wait. You are on the other side of the world now and I on the other but I look up and close my eyes with some relief that no matter where we are at least we’re under same sky. I still remember when a smile on your face set alight the inside of me with joy, a sort of triumphant feeling, I didn’t realize what it was. I still remember when even a trace of sorrow on your face used to upset me and I couldn’t help thinking, what’s bothering you, for the whole day and I didn’t realize what it was, but I did ask myself- Why?

I still remember those winter days when we used to have loads of chat, those winter evenings when we used to text each other and the winter rain splashed on the window pane, you used to say ‘Your wish, my command.’ Today when I wish you to be with me you seem to defy your command, today when I search my inbox I do not find your name on display but I don’t give up I keep on searching and I end up in negative. But I wait another new message to be received expecting it to be yours but; No. Today the winter rain make me nostalgic and I lose myself in those memories which is the only thing left with me of yours, these are so sweet that even when they sting the pain is so sweet that I want them to sting me again. Now I realize what it was and this time I won’t ask myself- Why?

            I so much want to tell you all this now but I am afraid of losing you, something inside of me stops me from doing so. Perhaps you might have discarded all that time we spent together as past and moved on, but do you know that it’s this past on which I am living on; unconsciously and unintentionally.